They say that life is full of ups and downs. The ups are always so sweet and you wish they last forever, but they don’t. Next comes the downs and they make you instantly agree that life is not a bed of roses, even if your up was just a minute ago. God knows, I hate the seasons of my life when I am down. I know you hate them too. But we can't avoid them, especially when you become an adult. I recently read a very good text that best describes adulthood;
“Being an Adult
One moment you focused, so positive, an achiever climbing the ladder
Next moment you so down, confused, lazy.”
Have you ever realized that the more you hate your not okay times, the more you are not okay? It is because anything that you resist persists. Emotions, situations and people who make our lives to be down and not okay are just natural, there is nothing you can do about them. But you tend to struggle against nature by ignoring your emotions or feeling bad because you have them. In other words, you have learnt to hate your not okay times. Hate is a resistance, so the not okay times will tend to persist. So this article is meant to help you appreciate your not okay times and grow from it instead of perishing for it. This article will try and convince you that it is okay not to be okay, I hope you get convinced.
It is okay to feel sad and other “bad” emotions sometimes – Emotions are an inherent part of human life. But we have made the mistake of grouping them into bad and good emotions. We don’t say it loud at least but we somehow just believe so. The “good” emotions are associated with happiness, contentment, love while the “bad” emotions are associated with sadness, anger and regret. But in real sense, emotions are just emotions, they don’t have any meaning to our lives. They don’t determine who we are, they just help confirm that we are human. So it is okay to have them. It is okay to feel sad sometimes, to be angry sometimes or to feel unloved. We don’t have to do anything about them, we just need to allow ourselves be okay with feeling them. You don’t have to beat up the person you are angry at, you might end up hurting them and be in trouble. You don’t have to commit suicide because you feel unloved by that one person. You just need to allow yourself feel it by crying or talking with someone about it, then later when the emotion is gone, you get more clarity and make better choices in life.
It is okay to make mistakes sometimes – This is for all the perfectionists out there, it is okay to not be perfect. In fact, errors confirm that you are a perfect human being. So don’t be so hard on yourself whenever you make a mistake. Don’t criticize yourself so much that you end up being depressed. Just accept your mistake, whatever it is, and strive to do it right next time.
It is okay to have habits that you are not proud of – So you have been smoking for some years now? Fine. Now you have seen the health effects it has on you and would like to stop. But you just can’t stop beating yourself up for the bad breath that seems to be pushing everyone around you away. So you decide to smoke just one more time to forget what a mess you have become. But the “just one more time” becomes more days, months and years. It would be better if you just accept that you have some bad habits that you are not proud of because of the effects they have on you. Be okay with it then lovingly help yourself into stopping. Research shows that the more you criticize yourself over your bad habits, the more you do them compulsively. So learn to be okay with your bad habits. That does not mean that you be lenient with yourself such that you allow yourself to continue engaging in them, it means love yourself enough to not let those habits affect you with their bad effects. And that can only be achieved by stopping them.
It is okay to not be okay – Yes, it is okay to be human. It is okay to have emotions, it is okay to make mistakes, it is okay to have habits that we are not proud of and many other forms of not being okay. Just accept those not okay moments and learn to keep on living without harming yourself due to them.
